That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Welp...herpes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
