please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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