She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
