Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Randomize
