Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
