You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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