i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
