its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
