Michael Bay diarrhea
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
