everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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