im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
