the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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