Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
