Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
