At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
