hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
