it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize