Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
