is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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