i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
