Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
