Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize