Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is my gift to your gina
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
