at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
