I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
