Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
