happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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