I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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