Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
