She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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