okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
