so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize