I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
