are you so shy because you have an std?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just pee around me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
