How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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