Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
