It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
