So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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