whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
