and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I wear drunk well.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
