I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have surprise drugs for everyone
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
