Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize