we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
be right there i have to get my cape
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
