As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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