When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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