DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
