New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
