it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
