after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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