I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize