I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
