I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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