I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize