hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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