We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
