My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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