Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
