the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
