I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
being pregnant is like rehab
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
