She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am available for nakedness
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
