we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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