just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
