Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
