Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
