This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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