Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
