My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize