I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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