She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
zippers are such a cool invention
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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