just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I could make wine with my vomit
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
