Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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