You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
