He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize