when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
