it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
