Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
