I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
