So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
And then he peed in my hair
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