Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
