How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
