God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
